


The Path

by Nashoka



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Kylo Ren, Romantic Tension, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-29 14:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 20,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6379030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nashoka/pseuds/Nashoka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new Resistance pilot has become the center of attention to some of the most powerful people in the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jumping out of your x-wing you threw your helmet to the ground of the hangar angrily.

"HEY!" Came his voice from behind you as you stormed off.

"Fuck off, Dameron!" You yelled back not caring about the looks you got as you stormed off. You turned back to him with a scowl on your face to see Poe hurrying towards you.

"(Y/N), STOP!" He yelled at you. You'd never seen Poe this angry before. Sure you'd messed up and almost gotten yourself killed, but you'd gotten the job done. And... ok. Sure. You'd heard him when he told you to get out of there but you were so close. Maybe you had disobeyed orders… but the mission was still a success. So what was his problem? You turned back in the direction you were walking and picked up your pace.

"Leave me alone!" You knew you were being childish. And since you were new you'd probably get in a ton of trouble for talking to a superior like this. A tug on your arm pulled backwards and you were face to face with the exact person you'd been running away from.

"What the hell was that back there?" He demanded. You swallowed down your fear and put on a brave face.

"Which part? The part where I got the job done and you didn't?" The grip on your arm tightened slightly.

"No, I'm talking about the part where you didn't follow orders. You keep doing stuff like that and you'll never fly again." He said sternly.

"Are you kidding me? You do that kind of stuff all the time but when I do it I'm disobedient?"

"(Y/N) you don't get it-"

"No!" You cut him off and his jaw tightened. "What I don't get is why every I even slightly step out of line I get reprimanded but whenever you or anyone else does the exact same thing no one even blinks an eye."

"You think I like yelling at you?!?!" He looked down at you incredulously. You didn't dislike Poe, you actually used to have a crush on him back when you were in training. He was kind to you before, but ever since you'd become a pilot it was like you two were constantly fighting.

"I don't know what your problem is! But it sure seems like you have one with me!"

"(Y/N)."

"WHAT!?" You turned around to the unknown voice that came from behind you. Your face immediately dropped seeing who it was.

"General Organa." All of your anger at Poe dissipated and his grip on you loosened.

"Come with me." She said simply as she turned and began to walk. You shot a scowl at Poe.

"(Y/N) I didn't-" You shrugged him off of you harshly. Shooting him another glare you ran off in the direction of the General.

As soon as you caught up with the general you were fumbling over your words.

"IamsosorryitwonthappenagainIdontknow-"

She held her hand up, stopping you in your tracks.

"(Y/N) …this can't keep happening. We all have our orders for a reason." She spoke to you softly.

"With all due respect General I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think I could handle it. I knew I could do it." You offered. Why was it that the only one that seemed confident in your ability was you?

"You can't just go on your gut feeling (Y/N). You have to follow your commanding officer."

She opened her mouth like there was more she wanted to say but instead she just sighed and shook her head.

"You're suspended." She turned away from you before you could even reply. You stood dumbstruck, unable to find words as anger and sadness bubbled in your chest.

Your face scrunched up and you stormed away. Hot tears began to fall down your cheeks as you pushed through people to get to your room. As you rounded the corner to get to your room you saw Poe leaning against the wall near your door. You sniffled and wiped the tears from your face as you tried to ignore him.

"(Y/N) I really need to talk to you." You pulled your key card from your pocket.

"Nothing to talk about. I'm suspended.” You fumbled with the card, unable to open the door with your shaking hands.

“What?” His eyes widened and he actually looked surprised.

“Why do you care? Not like you ever wanted me to fly before.” Your grip on the card got to be too much and it fell from your hands. Poe bent down and picked it up for you. He sighed from down on the ground looked up at you.

“(Y/N), there’s a lot that you need to know …” Looking down at him you rolled your eyes. “Seriously-“

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Red lights flashed around the building as an alarm went off. The two of you looked up and then turned to one another. You quickly reached down and grabbed Poe’s blaster from his belt and ran back towards the hangar.

“(Y/N) wait!” Poe yelled running after you.

You heard screams and shouts as you got closer. The sounds of blasters being fired rang through your ears. As you finally reached your destination you stopped looking at the scene before you. The General knelt on the ground by a fallen pilot. Stormtroopers standing at attention and a black figure stood out amongst them.

Kylo Ren.

“I know she is here.” Came a distorted voice from the figure. “Where? Tell me. Now.” The General only shook her head, silent sobs taking over her as she refused to look up. You took a step forward aiming your blaster at the tall black mass.

“(Y/N) don’t!” Poe shouted as you pulled the trigger.

Your body froze just as the shot left your blaster. Poe's body flew out of your peripheral vision and you heard a banging sound against one of the walls.

“There you are...” The tall figure turned to you slowly. You couldn’t do anything but watch as he leisurely walked toward you. The General looked to you and her eyes grew wide. She scrambled to her feet.

“No! Don’t! Ben-“ The figure reached a hand out, holding the General in place as he continued to stare down at you.

“After all this searching…and here you are.” Though you would never admit to it, you were scared. You tried to jerk your body free but it was of no use.

“I can sense your anger…and your passion… You are strong.” He turned back to face the General.

“You were right to hide her from me.” At his words your eyes shot over to the General.The black mass turned back to look down at you. The hand he held behind him quickly moved towards you. Your vision quickly darkened and your body grew heavy. As you fell you felt your body being scooped up into someone’s arms and you quickly lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not very good at plot so please bear with me as i figure this thing out!


	2. Chapter 2

You woke up lying against something. You tried to move your arms but quickly realized they were restrained to whatever it was you laid against. Panicking you tried to free yourself only to find that your legs were restrained as well. Fear took over as you tried futilely to get free.

 Suddenly you stopped as you felt a pair of eyes on the back of your head. Though you couldn’t see who it was you knew it was Kylo Ren. Mustering up all of your courage you spoke into the silent room.

“I know you’re there.” You tried your best to hide the shaking in your voice. There was a long pause and you weren’t even sure that he was really in the room.

“I thought I’d wait for you to awake.” His deep voice sent shivers down your spine but you continued to act brave.

“H-how considerate.” You stuttered, unable to stop your fear from coming through. “Well, I’m awake now. What do you want from me?” More silence. Then footsteps. Slow. Coming towards you. You felt yourself tense up but tried your best to stay calm. All you knew about Kylo Ren were in the stories you had been told.

And none of them were good.

Out of the corner of the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of him approaching you from beside your head. You couldn’t help but stare into his mask as the fear you tried so desperately to hide started to overtake you.

“Skywalker. What did he tell you?” You scrunched your face up in confusion.

“What are you talking abou-“ You felt your head suddenly jerk back into the slab you were attached to. 

“Do not… lie to me.”

You strained against the invisible grip on your head.

“I’m not… lying! I’ve never even… met Skywalker!” You said between groans. The pressure against you ceased and you inhaled sharply. You slowly turned to him as you tried to catch your breath. At first he didn’t speak and only stared down at you as you recovered.

“You truly know nothing of what you are. Of the power that is within you.” He took a step closer to you raising his hand towards you and skimmed over your face.

“Let me show you….”

“Wait, wh- aahhh!!” A blood curling scream ripped through your throat as pain radiated over your entire body. Images flashed before your eyes but they moved so fast that you couldn’t recognize any of them.

“She thought she could hide you from everyone…even her brother.”

The pain was blinding and your scream continued to ring out through the room.

“Stop!” You begged, unable to stand the pain any longer.

Suddenly the pain was gone. You inhaled sharply. Tears stained your cheeks as you tried to process what just happened.

“Interesting.”  You turned to him sharply.

“W-what… about _that_ was interesting?”

He stared at you again for a moment and then walked behind you again. The sound of doors sliding open alerted your senses.

“Take her.” You heard him say. The devices that held you were released with a hiss and you fell to the ground. A groan left your mouth as you tried to stand on your own. You were abruptly jerked upward into the hands of two stormtroopers. Your feet dragged along the ground and your head was slumped forward.

“Take me? T-t-take me where?” You slurred out not even bothering to raise your head.

“To a cell. Until the Supreme Leader decides what to do with you.”

Your felt yourself being dragged and your eyelids grew heavy. You knew your consciousness was quickly fading again but you couldn’t ignore the new feeling inside you. It was almost like the pain he had just put you through touched something deep inside you. The more you tried to think about it the more and more your consciousness slipped away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_‘You did well bringing her here’_

_‘She knows nothing. That…that woman told her nothing. Her abilities have been suppressed deeply inside of her. I doubt she knows anything of her true power.’_

_‘Perhaps… we can use that to our advantage.’_

You shuddered and fell deeper into the darkness that surrounded you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again me and plot do not mix!
> 
> I hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

Your cell wasn’t too bad. Sure, you felt like crap and you could barely move but at least you had something to sleep on. You rolled over onto your side and stared at the wall. There were so many thoughts going through your head. You couldn’t even remember how long you’d been in there since Kylo Ren invaded your mind. It had to have been at least two days since you’d eaten but you didn’t know for sure. You had mostly been sleeping so it could have been more.

Thoughts about the resistance threatened to consume your thoughts even as you pushed them to the back of your mind. For a while you had hoped that you would have been rescued by now. But…then you remembered that you hadn’t exactly been a shining example for the resistance. The last time you had spoken to Poe hadn’t been the greatest conversation either.

 

Maybe they were glad you were gone.

 

The sound of your stomach rumbling loudly interrupted your thoughts. It had been doing that a lot lately. It didn’t seem like they were going to kill you so surely there was food for you somewhere.You tried to rise from the cot you laid on but soon found yourself extremely lightheaded.

 “Uh..shit.” You murmured bracing yourself on the wall. The doors to your cell slid open and a feeling of unease washed over you.

 Taking a deep breath, you braved a look at the source of your discomfort. Kylo Ren stood tall in the door way looking down at you. For a moment your need for food outweighed your fear of him and you tried to speak. You opened your mouth but your words caught in your throat and your knees buckled. You slid down the wall catching yourself before you fell completely on your face. You held both sides of your head and felt an arm wrap around your waist to hold you steady. A gloved hand gripped your chin and tilted your head up to face your captor. Your tried to look up at him through half-lidded eyes as he turned your head this way and that, inspecting you.

 “Fools…” he said harshly and lifted you into his arms. You gripped the front of his robes tightly as he briskly walked through multiple corridors. Your head rolled back and you looked up at the ceiling as he carried you. It wasn’t until you reached a bright white room that his steps slowed. Kylo laid you down against a considerably more comfortable cot than the one in your cell.

 “Fix this.” Kylo growled through his mask at someone you couldn’t see. Another voice spoke up, sounding more mechanical than his.

 “What seems to be th-“

 “ **Fix.** **This**.” He spat.

 You heard hiss of doors opening and shutting and you were alone again. Sounds were all around you but you were too out of it to know what anything was. You briefly considered going back to sleep and when something pricked your arm and decided that was a good idea.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_A man you had never seen before was suspended from the ground, struggled to speak._

_"It wasn't my fault!" The man gasped for breath despite the pressure around his throat._

_Kylo Ren’s hold lessened and the man took a deep breath._

_“I was on attacked on my way to deliver her food! Someone jumped me and stole my armor!” He cried out._

_“ **Who** …was it?” _

_“I-I don’t know! They were behind me when they attacked!”  The man tried to argue his case but you could tell that this man knew he was going to die for his incompetence anyway._

_Wait. How could you know that?_

_How were you seeing any of this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally VERY long but I broke it up into almost three different chapters so sorry if this is very short.
> 
> i read this over and over again and i am still not sure how i feel about it but I hope you like it


	4. Chapter 4

You woke up suddenly, in the bright room you’d been left in. Slowly you sat up from the cot you slept on and saw you were in a medical bay. Your dizziness was gone but you were still really hungry. Your mind wandered back to what you had seen in your sleep. Was that a dream? A vision?

“Here you are miss.” A droid said setting down a tray of food on your lap and breaking you from your thoughts.

“O-oh um… thank you.”  You said looking at the food before you. The food didn’t look appetizing and you didn’t recognize anything on the tray. Once you began to eat you couldn’t slow down, eating all of the food and leaving nothing left over.

Well, at least you weren’t hungry anymore.

You looked around the room. There was a ton of medical equipment that you knew nothing about, the droid who had given you food was busying itself with some materials, and …. Kylo Ren. You jumped back when you noticed him. 

How long had he been there? Did he see you stuff your face like a wild animal? You turned away from him and wiped away a couple of stray crumbs from your mouth.

 _What does he want with me? He could have just as easily let me starve to death so… why is he keeping me alive?_

Kylo Ren stood very still watching you as you got lost in your own thoughts. After a moment he took a step towards you. 

“You are alive because the Supreme Leader thinks you could be an asset to the First Order.”

“How?” Your lip trembled as you spoke. “What does he want with me? I-”

“Your connection to the force.” You looked at him in disbelief.

“No, no, no I’m not-“

“ **You are.** ” He cut you off and you snapped your mouth shut. He took another step toward you and you gripped the cot you sat atop of. “Did you really think you were _that_ good of a pilot?”

 _What?_ You tilted your head in confusion at him. 

“Did you think that you were just lucky? That your reflexes were _that_ good?” 

 _Well…. yes._ But you had also been through training. Long intensive training. 

“B-but…the General, she would have told me.” 

“ **She didn’t.** ” His deep voice made you flinch. You mustered up your courage and shook your head at him. 

“You’re wrong. There’s no way I-“

“How do you think I found you?” 

You stopped, considering his words for a moment and then your eyes widened in sudden realization. ‘ _Is that why-‘_

“-everyone was so resistant to you flying?” _How did he do that?_

 _“_ You were using the force and you didn’t even know it.” He was towering over you now. Staring down at you and you had no choice but to stare right back. "I could sense you every time you flew."

It _would_ make since. The General giving you a ton of rules so you didn’t use the force in any way possible. Poe arguing with you when you whenever you relied on your instincts. The constant reprimands from superiors. Your lips were parted as you processed the new information. 

“Why? W-why would she hide that from me?” 

Silence.

Your heart beat loudly in your chest as you waited for his answer. He looked at you a moment longer then quickly turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

“Wait!” You called out but the doors quickly slid closed behind him. How could he just dump all of this on you and then just leave? He had given you all of this information and left you with more questions than answers. Was he telling the truth?

 ' _Why do I feel like I already know the answer?’_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_‘Should I inform her of the intruder?’_

_‘…No.... You have already planted the seed of distrust…. let us watch it grow.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took so long but i really wasn't happy with it at all
> 
> but, i was writing this chapter and the next one at the same time so the next chapter will be up soon
> 
> (also i know this is supposed to be a slow burn but it's really hard when you just want two people to get together immediately)
> 
> (also most of these chapters will be kinda short...at least until the smut)


	5. Chapter 5

They took you to a new room after that. You were given new clothes and allowed to shower. As you washed the grime off your body thoughts about Kylo Ren drifted into your mind. He’d taken you from the Resistance, but he had also told you more about yourself than you had ever known. And somehow…. you _knew_ he was telling the truth. That must have had something to do with you supposedly being force sensitive. You knew the stories about the Jedi and the legends of their abilities. Of course according to Kylo Ren you had been using those abilities whenever you flew. But, you couldn’t move things with your mind and you had definitely never wielded a lightsaber.

Then again…. you had never tried to do either of those things. And why had the General hidden this from you? You were still in training when you heard about the girl who went off to find Skywalker. If the General knew you were force sensitive, why wouldn’t she send you to him too? You leaned your head against the black tile of the shower.  

_If she knew…why didn’t she do anything about it? She just let me get in trouble? Let me think I was a bad pilot for doing what came naturally?_

Sighing loudly, you shut off the water and stepped out. The bathroom was small, and the towel they gave you barely covered your thighs. After drying yourself off you squeezed the water from your hair and inspected the clothing they gave to you. A long sleeve black turtleneck that fit you well but wasn’t long enough so it showed your midriff when you raised your arms. The pants they gave you were black as well. They fit you fine, a little tight but not uncomfortable. You opened the door of the small bathroom that led into your…. bedroom? There was a bed there. A small pillow. A small blanket. A lot of things in this room were small now that you really looked at it. A chair sat along the wall pointed towards the bed. You flopped down onto the bed and laid on your back.

You had already decided that even if the Resistance came for you, you were done with them. But you weren’t sure if you wanted to be done with the First Order. What if there was more Kylo Ren still hadn’t told you? 

‘Someone’s _here.’_ You thought and the doors to your room slid open to reveal Kylo Ren. He stood in the doorway staring at you and you sat up on your elbows to see him. Your shirt had ridden up and you scrambled to pull it back into place.

“The Supreme Leader wants to speak with you.”

You sat up on the bed and quickly pulled on your shoes. He waited patiently for you and glanced around your small room. Once you had your shoes on you stood and followed after him.

Something felt off the moment you stepped from your room. He had spoken of the _Supreme Leader_ before but this couldn't be who he was talking about. As you walked closer and closer to the set of doors Kylo Ren led you to your steps began to slow. After more of your slow strides you stopped completely. The feeling of unease was greater than you had ever felt. Whatever was waiting for you on the other side of those doors was not good. Kylo noticed your hesitance and turned back to face you. 

“ **Get over here.** ” He commanded and you took a small step backward.

“I-I…I can’t.” 

The tall man considered you for a moment and then walked until he stood right in front of you.

“Why not?” 

“W-what’s in there?” You looked back and forth, from the doors to him. He took a pause before he spoke.

“Can you sense it?” He asked. You took another step back and he followed suit, taking a step forward. 

“It’s just a bad feeling.” You stopped to think. _‘Am I_ sensing it?’

“Please, don’t make me go in there.” You took a step back but he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards him.

“No harm will come to you.” He turned back to walk towards the door but you pulled him back. 

“C-can you…can you promise that?” You stared straight into his mask.

“Have I lied to you yet?” He was still holding your arm and instead of it scaring you it was strangely comforting.  You shook your head slowly. Ren turned back to the door still clutching your arm. Probably out of fear that you would have run away the moment he let go. The doors slid open and you took one step forward before immediately stopping.

The figure was incredibly large, not fully there, but it stared down at you as you froze in place. Ren tugged you forward but you couldn’t seem to make yourself move. He turned back to face you.

 _‘I already told you that you were safe.’_ Your head whipped to him and your eyes grew wide. His voice was in your head, not as distorted but you knew it was his. He gave you a slow nod and you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Come forward…” The other man called to you. He was “Let me see you…” 

You looked to Ren again before walking forward. His hand fell from your arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake. You walked until you stood directly in front of the figure giving you an unfortunate better look at the man. He was disfigured beyond recognition. You weren’t even sure if he was human or not. 

“There you are…”

 _'This is the Supreme Leader?'_  You thought as you gaped up at him.

“The force....it has been suppressed within you. I trust Kylo Ren has already informed you of this."

You only nodded in response.

"It is a problem the can be easily remedied.” Out of your peripheral vision you saw Ren stand beside you and instantly relief washed over you.

 _‘Wait. What?’_

“Ren has already started chipping away at the barriers in place…Using the force should open you up to it fully…” 

 _‘How?’_

“Kylo Ren will become your master. And you, his apprentice.” 

Ren turned to you slightly. “Return to your quarters. I shall return for you.” You nodded and turned to leave. 

“Hold!” The booming voice called out and you stopped in your tracks. "Come back here." He boomed and you turned around slowly to face him.

“Kylo Ren is your master now… address him as such.”

You shakily turned to Ren and bowed your head. “Yes, _master._ ” You looked up at Ren and he gave you a small nod.

“Good…. good…. Leave us…apprentice.” The large man waved you off. You quickly stood up straight and glanced at Ren once before you ran from the room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_‘How is our prisoner, Ren?’_

_‘Alive. Weak, but alive.’_

_‘We must move quickly. The Resistance will be missing their pilot’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've written so far and I actually kinda like this chapter...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> (sorry if there are any spelling errors! i'll go back through and correct them but i really wanted to post this chapter)


	6. Chapter 6

You let out the breath you were holding as the doors slid closed behind you. Kylo Ren was your master now. You were going to be trained in the ways of the force. Even if you didn’t want to it didn’t seem like you had any choice in the matter. Your feet carried you through the corridors and you tried to remember the way Ren led you in. You turned down a hallway and group of Stormtroopers jogged past you. You didn’t recognize where you were.

Shit. You were lost. And you had to get back to your room before Kylo Ren did.

 _'Ok. Ok. Don’t panic….’_ Your eyes widened in sudden realization. 

 

_'The force..’_

 

You did a quick look around to make sure that no one else saw you. Closing your eyes, you thought about getting back to your room. You tried to remember the walk you and Ren took. You focused, and focused, and focused and……...

 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You huffed and squeezed your eyes shut even tighter. You thought specifically about getting to your room before Ren but all you felt was the sensation that you were being watched.

 “Just what exactly are you?” You jumped back and opened your eyes. A tall red headed man and an even taller chrome Stormtrooper stood side by side staring at you. When had they gotten there? You hadn’t even heard their footsteps. Your eyes went to the gun in the Stormtroopers hand and you shifted nervously on your feet.

“I-I was looking for my room and-“

“Your _room_?” The man said in a disgusted tone. His face was scrunched up like he was ready to throw you out of an airlock.

“Kylo Ren told me to wait for him there.“

“Ren?” He grinned and looked you over. You looked down and quickly adjusted your shirt again. “What are you? His whore?”

“Excuse me?” You said, you nervousness quickly melting into anger. His eyes swept over your body again; this time with a new interest.

“You certainly look the part.” He said taking a step toward you.

_'Look the part? I’m wearing a turtleneck!’_

“I’m his _apprentice_.” You said standing your ground.

“Oh?” He said amusingly and turned back to the trooper. You glared at him. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Wait. You’d said you were his apprentice. There it was. You’d said it out loud and there was no going back now. 

“I wasn’t aware that Ren had an apprentice.”

“Of course you weren’t.” You jumped and turned to the source of the voice. Kylo Ren was approaching the three of you and while you were glad he was there you also remembered that you had disobeyed him.

“The Supreme Leader only just declared it.” He turned to you and you wondered if he was upset with you. You glanced up at his helmet but quickly lowered your gaze to the ground. The red haired man scrunched his face up even more ~~if that was even possible~~ and stormed off the direction Ren had come from. The chrome trooper looked to you and then Ren before following after the man. Ren turned to you fully and you kept your head down.

“I told you to go back to your quarters.” You pouted and kept avoiding his gaze.

“I know…I got lost.” His hands were balled at his sides. Was he really mad at you?

“I’m sorry…master.” Uh, the word still felt weird coming from your mouth. But he relaxed his fist and rested his hands by his sides.

“…. You tried to use the force.” He said in an almost amused way.

"Yeah…It didn’t really work.” You grumbled under your breath. A sound came from his mask and he turned and went down another hallway and you quickly followed after him.

“You weren’t using it. You were _thinking_ about using it.”

 You frowned your face up in confusion, “What’s the difference? Don’t you have to think about it to use it?”

 “It’s not about thinking.”

  _'Then how the hell do you use it if you don’t think about it?’_ You rolled your eyes but continued to follow after him. _‘What even really is the force?’_

 Another set of Stormtroopers passed by the two of you as you turned down another hallway. _‘How the hell does anyone know how to get anywhere? It all looks the same.’_

You stopped staring at a particular set of doors on the wall beside you. It was happening again. You could feel something behind the door. Not as scary as when you sensed the Supreme Leader; but still… something.

“What are you doing?”

“I, um...” You glanced at the door and then back to Ren. “Uh, nothing. Sorry.” You said jogging up to where he stood. He looked at the set of doors, his helmet lifting upward and balled his fists again.

“You are never to go in there.” You tilted your head in confusion.

 _'Why would I go in there anyway?’_ You thought, but you simply nodded.

He stood up straighter and continued walk forward. You followed behind him but gave one last glance back at the doors. _‘Probably something bad in there too.’_ You thought before turning forward and following after Ren’s flowing cape. Why weren’t you scared of him anymore? You were actually…weirdly comfortable around him. Before you’d met him the stories of what he had done and the havoc he wrecked made you fear him but…he didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt you.

You swallowed and broke the silence between the two of you. “So, um. Where are we going?” The sound of your and his footsteps echoed through the empty hallway.

“The Supreme Leader has instructed me to begin your training.”

“Oh. Um-“

“Immediately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but i kept getting distracted while i was writing this.
> 
> I hope this chapter is ok because i have a really bad headache and i only read this over once (but i will go back through and make improvements and fix mistakes if i didn't catch them.


	7. Chapter 7

It had only been 2 days of training and you were already convinced that you weren’t force sensitive. The room was fairly large and filled with miscellaneous objects that Ren had laid out for you.  You hadn’t been able to move anything, and sensing things was completely out of the equation. Right now you were in the middle of the room trying to lift Rens’ saber that he had thrown on the ground out of frustration. You had tried bigger things at first but after begging Ren to start you on something smaller he reluctantly complied.

You stood with your hand outstretched toward the saber, thinking hard about it lifting from the ground. After another five minutes of no luck you huffed and turned to face Ren.

“This isn’t working. Do you… maybe have anything smaller?” You said to him exasperated. Ren leaned again the wall, watching you with his arms folded.

“It’s not going to matter what size object I give you if you’re not going to connect to the force.” He said trying to hide his frustration.

“Well I don’t know how to do that so would you mind telling me how?”

“You’ve done it before; you can do it again.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that,” You turned to face him fully. “But I wasn’t trying then.  Aren’t you supposed to be my master? Aren’t you _supposed_ to tell me how to connect with the force?” You hadn’t realized you had raised your voice. His arms dropped to his sides and he balled his fists.

  _Shit._

Why did you keep doing that? You’d gotten so comfortable being around him that you forgot how quickly he could kill you. Once he stood in front of you at his full height you had to tilt your head to look up at him.

“I told you before, the force is not about thinking.” He said peering down at you.

“Yeah, but-“

“When you flew for the Resistance did you think before you acted?” He cut you off and you looked down considering his words.

“...No...” You pouted still not looking at him.

“Then stop thinking…” You saw his feet move towards you and you looked back up at him. “…and _feel_ it.” You stared up into his mask before turning back to his lightsaber and hesitantly closing your eyes. You cleared your mind and lifted your hand. You went back to how you felt when you were flying. The feeling of being free and connected to the force without even realizing it.

 And slowly you felt it.

The connection to the force hummed inside you and you felt Ren’s lightsaber fly into your hand. You jumped back gawking down at the weapon in your hand. You’d done it. You'd done it!

“I did it!” You squealed jumping up and down and thrusting the weapon into the air. In the midst of your celebration the weapon flew from your hand and back into Ren’s grasp.

“Stop that.” He said clipping it back onto his waist. “You’re going to kill yourself.”

“Hey, at least I moved it.” You said, your smile never leaving your face. You had actually done it. You _were_ force sensitive.

“You managed to move one item over the span of two days.” He said turning away from you. “If you had actually tried to listen to me you would be even more advanced by now.”

You rolled your eyes and folded your arms. Why couldn’t he just be happy for you? He went over to the selection of objects to pick another one. Probably to see if you could move any of those as well. You blinked and a set of doors flashed behind your eyelids. You shook your head, trying to dismiss it but the image stayed there. Not just any set of doors, the same doors that Ren commanded that you stay away from. He still was facing away from you and you turned around towards the exit. You knew where those doors were. You could get to them, couldn’t you? The more you walked towards the exit the more you felt yourself trusting in the force. You could feel… someone.

 

_Someone?_

Who…who was this? You could feel them. You could almost hear their ragged breath. And a faint smell of…blood?

 “Are you listening?” Ren’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you quickly turned back to him.

“Uh…yes! Master! Sorry.” You said, hoping he wouldn’t notice that you hadn’t been paying attention.

“…What did I just say?” Your face dropped.

“…Something about the force, right?” You grinned and hoped you could get away with it.

“Go back to your room.” He said and you turned to leave quickly. “Apprentice.” He called to you and you stopped.

“Go **only** to your room.”

Oh no. _He knew._

“Of course, Master.” You said over your shoulder before leaving the room. Thankfully you remembered where your room was. As you walked through the hall you looked at the pair of doors in your peripheral vision. The sensations you felt earlier intensifying and you hesitated before continuing to walk down the hallway.

 

You were going to get in there. You had to.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_‘She knows.’_

_‘Good…that means her ability is growing’_

_‘As is her curiosity.’_

_‘Let her seek him out if she must….I only see this playing in our favor.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to get this chapter up fast because i have surgery coming up and i wont be able to write for a while cause i'll be recovering
> 
> hope you guys are enjoying this story because i dont really write stories with a lot of plot and i am actually having fun writing this
> 
> Also i hope the way i described the force was alright. i didnt really know how to put it in words but i tried my best :)


	8. Chapter 8

_‘Ok, ok. I can do this.’_ You thought to yourself as you slipped your shirt down over your head. All night you had gone over your plan just to be sure you didn’t forget it. Even though you were sure you had already committed it to memory you continuously went back through it. Every day a Stormtrooper would stop by your room to tell you that ‘Kylo Ren has requested your presence’. Leaving you alone to get to the room that the two of you used for training. Once you were alone you would quickly go inside the “forbidden” room and quickly peek at what was inside. After that you would leave and meet Kylo Ren in you practice room before he even noticed you were late.

You smoothed down your turtleneck, grimacing when it still didn’t fit you properly. ‘ _This is going to work.’_ You said to yourself before plopping down onto your bed. You sighed loudly and the doors to your room slid open revealing a Stormtrooper.

“Kylo Ren has requested your presence.”

 _‘Well, here we go’_ You sat up, swinging your legs over the side of your bed.

“Ok, I’ll be right there.” You said pulling you shoes on, making sure to take extra time to do so. You glanced up but the trooper still stood in the doorway.

“I _do_ know how to get there.” Chuckling lightly to mask your nervousness. Why were they still here?

“Kylo Ren commanded that I escort you to him as well.”

 

_Shit._

Okay. Okay. This was fine. You could handle this. You stood calmly and faced the trooper.

“Look, you don’t have to walk me there.” You said firmly. The trooper faltered, briefly falling out of their stance.

“I-I…” They stuttered, and then suddenly stood at attention. “Commander Ren has ordered me to escort you to him.”

_‘What was that? Maybe…’_

“You _aren’t_ going to escort me there.” You said unsure of yourself. _‘No way…’_

“I-I’m” The trooper fell out of their stance again and you took a step forward, more confident this time.

“You’re not going to escort me there.” You said.

“I am not going to escort you there.” The trooper said and a wave of joy ran through you.

“You’re going to leave this room and go very far away.”

“I’m going to leave this room and go very far away.” They replied before turning and promptly leaving the room. You quickly followed after them to see them walking off in the wrong direction. Holy crap. Why hadn’t Ren taught you that?

 _‘Ok, focus.’_ You said hurrying down the hallway in the other direction.

 _‘Get in. Check it out. Get out. Get to Ren.’_ Simple enough.

Rounding the corner, you saw the forbidden room and skidded to a stop. The practice room was all the way at the end of the hall. Far away, but close enough to get there quickly. You turned to face the door fully and noticed something you hadn’t seen before.

A key pad.

 _‘Shit. Shit. Shit.’_ The frustration you felt evident on your face. Ok, ok. You could still work with this. Glancing around to make sure no one else was around you reached out to the force, trying to pull the doors open with it. It seemed like a huge jump from a lightsaber to a set of mechanical doors but Ren had told you that the objects size didn’t matter. The doors creaked as they slowly separated from one another.

You continued to pull at the doors until they were open just enough for you to slip through. As soon as you were in the room the door slammed shut behind you.

 _‘Wow,’_ You thought, looking at the doors. _‘I’m starting to get good at this.’_ The sound of strained breathing drew your attention and you turned towards the sound. Upon the sight your eyes widened and you inhaled sharply.

“Poe!” You screamed running to him. He was on the ground in chains. You kneeled by him and lifted his head, trying to get him to look at you.

“Poe! Poe, wake up!” You had seen Poe beaten up from battle before but this was bad. What the hell was he even doing here? And he was wearing...stormtrooper armor? His eyes fluttered open and he flinched back away from you.

“Poe it’s me! It’s me.”

“Y/N?” His eyes adjusted and the widened once he recognized you. “Y/N!” He threw his arms around you and pulled you in close to him.

“I-I thought you were dead.” He pulled back to look you in the eyes. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

You shook your head in disbelief at him. “Me? Poe, what about you? What happened?”

“I came to bring you back.” He said, his arms still around you. Your eyes widened and your lips parted.

 _What?_ You thought Resistance had just…. forgotten about you. But… Poe….

“You came back for me?” You asked, dumbfounded. After all the crap the two of you had been through… he came back for you.

“Yes.” He said it like he didn’t even know why you were asking.

“Poe..I-“

The sound of the mechanical doors sliding open behind you cut you off. Poe tightened his grip on your arms and you slowly turned around to see your Master standing in the doorway.

“Get up.” Was all he said.

“What is this?” You said, your anger bubbling just below the surface.

“Get. Up.” He simply said again.

“Did you do this to him?” You said unmoving in Poe’s arms. Kylo Ren moved toward you in quick strides and tugged your arm out of Poe’s grip.

“I told you to **GET UP**.” He dragged you up off the ground and promptly tugged you out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? It was Poe? 
> 
> You probably already guessed that, lol.
> 
> This was originally a Reader/Kylo Ren and a Reader/Poe story but then i changed it so it would just focus on the reader and kylo but now that Poe is back..
> 
> [EDIT: I am Poe trash so i changed it back to both Poe/Reader AND Kylo/ reader I am such TRASH i cant help it]


	9. Chapter 9

_“I was attacked! Someone snuck up on me and stole my armor!” The man cried out._

_“_ **_Who_ ** _…was it?”_

It was Poe. Poe had snuck in to the base, stolen a Stormtroopers armor, all in the hopes to bring you back to the Resistance.

 

“Get off of me!” You yelled tugging at Kylo Ren’s grip on your arm. “Let go of me, Ren!” You reached out to the force and tried to use it to pull yourself away from him but his grip on you only tightened as he continued to walk forward and your feet skidded across the floor. You turned back to the set of doors that was getting further and further away. “Poe!” You extended your hand and toward the doors pulling at them. Ren tugged at your arm again and you lost your grip on the doors.

“Dammit! Ren!” The doors to your practice room opened and Ren tossed you inside. You lost your footing and stumbled before falling completely on the ground. You stood up quickly shoving him away from you, using the force subconsciously.  He only briefly lost his footing before standing up straight again.

“What did you do to him?!” You practically screamed at him. He unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and threw it on the ground in front of you. Was he serious? Did he really expect you to train with him _now_?

“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything-“

“Oh, bullshit!” You yelled and with a wave of your hand his saber flew from the ground and hit one of the far walls. You could feel yourself giving into to the force as you got angrier. Ren didn’t seem phased by your extreme change in demeanor. If anything you sensed him being pleased and something else…something hidden.

“You said you hadn’t lied to me-”

“I have not lied to you.”

“Right, you just didn’t tell me the truth.” You said sarcastically. Poe had been here since before Ren had taken you to the medical bay. And yet Ren told you nothing of him being here.

But…. It still didn’t make snice.

Poe had been captured before and barely made it out alive. So why was Ren keeping him around now? You stared into his mask and tried to see if you could sense anything else. The feeling of him pushing you backwards with the force threw you off but you kept trying to search through his mind. He was trying to keep you out. He pushed you back again with the force but you had heard something in his mind. Just one word: _leverage_.

The frown on your face only deepened.

“If I hadn’t agreed to be your apprentice…” You took a step toward him. “What would you have done to him?”

He paused for a moment. “When I first learned of his presence I wanted to kill him. He has escaped the First Order before. I thought letting him live served no purpose. The Supreme Leader thought differently.”

“And what _purpose_ is he serving now?” You spoke through gritted teeth.

“His life for your apprenticeship.”

“Dammit, Ren.” You groaned and turned away from him and another object went flying across the room. “Have I ever tried to leave?”

Ren said nothing, but how could he? _He_ had kidnapped _you_. You should have run away a ton of times. But you had nothing to run to. You couldn’t go back to the Resistance. No. You _wouldn’t_ go back. Sure, you didn’t agree with anything the First Order did. But how could you still stand with the Resistance?

Things weren’t so bad here. You were learning to use the force. You had your own room. It’s not like you were carrying orders out for the first order. You didn’t have many friends back with the Resistance, but you didn’t have any friends here either. Unless you counted Ren. But he was your master, not your friend…right?

You turned to face him. “…. Let me take him back.”

“No.”

“Ren!”

“No.”

“Please.” You walked until you were right in front of him. “I am done with the Resistance. I have **no** intention of staying there. You _have_ to know that by now...”

You hesitated before speaking again. “I-I _want_ to come back.”

He stood still for a moment staring down at you and you staring back up at him. He was…considering you? Listening to your words. He _did_ want to kill Poe but… he didn’t want to hurt you. And he didn't want to lose the small amount of trust that you had built in him. Killing Poe would have done both.

You were suddenly shaken from your reverie when Ren grabbed the hand that you had been unknowingly lifting towards his mask. You hadn’t even realized that what you were doing. He held the grip on your hand for a moment longer before shaking you off.

“Go back to your room.”

“But-“

“NOW!" He shouted stalking out of the room. His lightsaber flew into his hand just before door shut behind him.

 

Well. That wasn’t exactly a no.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_‘…..Did you know she would react this way?’_

_‘Did I know she would be consumed by her anger? Yes.’_

_Ren sighed in frustration._

_‘She wants to return him to the Resistance.’_

_‘….Let her.’_

_‘Supreme Leader –‘_

_‘If she reacted this way to you hiding **one** thing_ _from her...how do you think she will react when confronted with the one who hid **everything** from _ _her?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (sorry if you saw me update this and then delete it in the same day, i just really didnt like it when i first posted it but hopefully you guys like it)
> 
> HAHAHA...this was so hard to write! 
> 
> I also dont know how to feel about this chapter. i dont know if i like it. i think i may rewrite it at some point. (im basically a hot mess)
> 
> but i do hope you enjoyed! and thank you for all the kudos!! I cant believe people actually read this story! so thank you for sticking with me!!


	10. Chapter 10

“Hey, what are you-“

“Shh.”

“But why-“

“Poe! Shh!” You said as you pulled him to the empty hangar. A group of Stormtroopers passed by you, not paying either of you any mind. You quickly pulled Poe into the old freighter that Ren had shown you the day before.

“Y/N? What the hell is going on?” He said looking around.

“We’re going back to the Resistance.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Poe’s mouth and one of his hands cupped the side of your face. “General Organa is going to so happy to see you again.”

Hearing her name again gave you a knot in your stomach. You bit your lip nervously and put your hand over his. “Poe….When we get back to the base... I-I’m not staying.”

His smile dropped and was quickly replaced with a look of concern.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I’m staying here.”

“Wha-“

The sound of echoing footsteps making their way onto the ship interrupted Poe as your Master boarded the ship.

“We’re leaving.”

Looking over the two of you Ren’s fists clenched at his sides and the warmth of Poe’s hand was ripped from your face.

“Restrain the prisoner.” He said as he walked between the two of you, making Poe fall off balance and you quickly reached out to steady him.

“Yes …. Master.” You said softly, thinking it would be best to stay on his good side. Poe gave you a strange look but you only gestured for him to follow you to the back of the ship where the seats were. Poe watched you with a strange expression as you connect his shackles to the seat he was in. Ren started the ship and began putting in the coordinates from the base that he had taken you from.

“Y/N…what is going on? Since when are _you_ and _Kylo_ _Ren_ close?”

“We’re not. Well... not really. I… I can’t really explain it right now.” You turned back to the cockpit and watched Ren calmly readying the ship for lift off. When you looked back to Poe you remembered something. “Poe…before I was taken… you tried to tell me something… what was it?”

He knit his eyebrows together trying to think. “I-I..I dunno..”

You look back towards Ren for a moment before lowering you voice to a whisper.

“Ren told me… he told me I was force sensitive...” You spoke and Poe’s eyes widened.

“Y/N,… I-“

“I _know_ that I am now.” You kept going, only pausing when the ship lurched with its takeoff. “But he told me…he said that General Organa already knew. But… did you?”

He looked down, away from your pleading eyes. After a moment he nodded slowly, and even after he lifted his head he couldn’t meet your eyes.

“Yes…yes she told me.”

You breathed heavily out of your nose. Part of you knew that he’d known but hearing him say it made it all the more real.

“But..” He went on. “She…she didn’t tell me why I couldn’t tell you.”

“Wait..what?” You sat down in the seat beside him. _Why ask someone to keep a secret and not tell them why they’re keeping that secret?_

“She told me that she tried to prevent you from using it. That... that she’d suppressed it. But every time you flew it was like…. Like you connected with it on your own somehow.”

You nodded, “Ren told me that whenever I flew on missions I was using the force without realizing it.”

At the mention of Ren’s name Poe stiffened slightly. “I asked her once.” He said and you turned to him. “Asked her why I couldn’t tell you. I mean, I don’t know too much about the force but… I figure if we were all scrambling to find Luke back then, having you on our side couldn’t have been bad, right?”

“Well, what did she say?”

“She…she just got this look. Like she was scared of something. I don’t know what, she would never tell me.”

You inhaled deeply. The General…scared? The General seemed like a woman who could stare death in the face and not be scared.

“Hey, are you okay?” Poe said, his voice becoming distant to you.

“Um… yeah…I’m fine.” You grabbed the side of your head. This was a bit _too_ much to handle.

“Apprentice.” Ren called and both you and Poe turned to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter ends so abruptly but i got distracted writing future chapters that i REALLY like but i hope that you liked this kinda short one. I should have the next one up in a day or two!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say i would have this chapter up in a couple days? ....sorry

“Um… coming.” You said before Poe a sympathetic look. You walked to the front of the ship where Ren was.

“You’re... upset.” He said without turning to you.

“Just a little confused…and dizzy.”

He turned to look at you briefly and you felt him moving through your mind, soothing out your anxieties and replacing them with a calm feeling. You sighed contently and ran your fingers through your hair.

“I don’t want you speaking to the prisoner again.”

You frowned down at him. “He just told me th-“

“I know what he told you. I do not care. **_I_** told you not to speak with him.”

You wanted to protest but seeing as though he was already onboard a ship with someone he wanted dead you followed his orders.

“Yes, Master.”

The three of you sat in silence as Ren steered the ship. Occasionally you would look back at Poe. His head between his knees, running his fingers through his unruly hair. You sighed and shrank further into your seat. Part of you didn’t want to leave Poe. He had risked his life for you, only to have you take him back and leave him there.

“Stop it.”

You looked back to Ren. “Stop what?”

“Thinking. Your thoughts are loud.”

“Uhm…sorry, Master.” You looked at the ground and cracked your knuckles, trying to focus on something else.

A huff sound came from his helmet, “When we return I will have to teach you how to conceal your thoughts.”

Out of your peripheral vision you saw Poe’s head shoot up and he looked in your direction.

“Teach?” He said loudly. “As in, how to use the force? Is that why you’re staying??”

You could see Ren’s grip tighten on the controls.

“You can’t learn how to use the force from him Y/N! You’ve seen what he’s done!”

You continued to face forward as Poe spoke, staring at the back of your master’s head. Poe’s chains rattled as he stirred behind you. You turned to finally say something to Poe but his facial expression showed that something behind you had caught his attention. You turned around and saw your old base coming closer.

The hangar looked empty as your ship docked. You remembered coming here late at night and just sitting in your x-wing. It was nice because at night there wasn’t anyone else around. After the ship had docked you waited patiently for the doors to open.

You could sense her as soon as you stepped off of your ship. After glancing around you found her, she stood by what used to be your old x-wing. It looked different now. Like all of the personalization you had put into was gone now. She didn’t seem to have noticed you as you moved quietly. You stepped back onto the ship and saw Ren unchaining Poe from the seat and pulling him roughly to his feet. You stopped Ren, putting your hand on his chest.

“Maybe… maybe you should stay on the ship.” You could feel his anger; he _knew_ she was there. “Nobody has to die.” You said.

Poe looked back and forth between the two of you, confused as to what to do. “I just wanna say goodbye.” Ren looked ay you for another moment and then nodded, releasing his hold on Poe.

“Do not do anything foolish, apprentice.”

Even though you didn’t know what he meant you nodded before you responded. “Yes, master.”

You and Poe stepped off the ship and moved to a small corner in the hangar. The two of you glanced at each other awkwardly. He held the chains encasing his wrists to you expectedly.

“Oh!” You exclaimed, before fishing the key out of your pocket.

“You know you don’t have to leave... right?” He said watching you closely as you unchained him. You looked back up at him, his eyes boring into yours.

“Yeah, I do.”

The chain clattered to the ground loudly as you released Poe. Out of the corner of your eye you saw someone rushing over to you. You turned and saw the General and another girl with a familiar face approaching you.

 “Y/N! Poe!” The general looked at you with a warm smile, her arms outstretching to pull you into a hug. You put your hand up and she stopped in her tracks.

“Stop.” You saw her expression change.

“What’s the-“

“I know everything. _He_ told me everything… I just want to know why.”

“Y/N-“

“Please!” You cut her off and stepped forward, moving away from Poe. “Just... tell me the truth _for once_.”

The General glanced at the girl at her side briefly before she sighed deeply and took your hands in hers.

“I saw something…in you.” She looked at your joined hands with a pained expression. “Something I’ve never seen before. Something... horrible. I saw you consumed by the dark side of the force.”

 “The things I saw you do…The pain you caused…” She shook her head. “You can’t go back. Please, you have to stay here. With us.”

“What?” You looked at her in disbelief.

“Y/N-“

“No, no, no… I…I don’t know what you saw or what you felt but…keeping that from me was not your decision to make. Whatever ‘side’ of the force I choose is my _own_ decision.”

“I didn’t want you to go down that path. I was trying to-“

“Protect me?” You yanked your hand away from her. “So instead of letting me choose _my own_ path you took the option away from me? You suppressed my ability to connect with the force! You… you can’t just do that to someone!”

“Y/N, if you saw what I saw you would know why I hid it from you-“

You turned from her, done with listening. You had to get out of here. You headed for the ship when the girl you had only seen once before stepped in front of you.

“Get out of my way.” You said, ignoring the urge to use the force to throw her against the wall.

“Please. If you would just listen- “

You took another step closer to her.

“What did she see in you?” You gave the girl a look-over and you could see her face tensing. “You didn’t suppress it in her did you?” You called over your shoulder to the General. The force hummed strongly within you as you continued to give in to your anger. The girl must have sensed something within and her hand went to a familiar looking tube on her side. You could feel her trying to pry her way into your mind. Though she was more trained than you, you weren’t going to let her best you. You violently shoved her with the force and she stumbled back at the sensation.

A familiar presence presented itself behind and you could see a deep frown grow on the girls face. She quickly ignited her saber and went to step behind you but you put your hand on her shoulder and pushed her back. She looked from your hand to your face.

“You are protecting this monster?”

“No. I’m protecting you.”

Where was this coming from? The feeling of the force within you and around you was overwhelming. It made you angrier than you had been before and it felt so easy to give in to it.  Before you could stop yourself something snapped inside of you and you blacked out.

 ---------------------------------------------------

Pain.

Hot burning pain.

The girl retracted her lightsaber and you fell away from her onto the ground clutching your stomach.

What happened? What was going on?

“I-I’m…I didn’t….Finn! Get a medical droid!” The girl called out. She knelt down beside you trying to turn you over to examine your wound.

“Get…. away from me!” You screamed, mustering up the last of your strength and throwing her away from you with the force. She screamed as she flew through the air and you heard her body hit something before falling flat on the ground.

You rolled onto your back still holding your stomach. You had been hurt before, right? Nothing like this. This pain was almost too much to bear.

What the hell happened?

A leather covered hand reached down to lift your hands out of the way to examine it. His hands briefly touched the area and you winced, reaching for something to grab on to and you buried your face into the robes on his chest. A groan left your lips and you tightened your grip on Ren.

“Don’t move.” You heard him say and he easily lifted you into his arms. As he lifted you a sharp pain ripped from your wound through your entire body and you groaned into his chest. He pulled you in closer to him as he continued to move briskly back to his ship.

“I’m… going to kill her...” You muttered, your grip on him tightened even as your eyelids grew heavy.

He looked down at your rapidly tiring form and then forward again as he moved faster. Ren carried you into the ship and put in the coordinates to take the two of you back to his base. After setting the ship to autopilot he set you down in one of the seats and pried your fingers off of him before going to get the onboard medical kit. He watched your sleeping form as he tended to your wound. He hit a particularly tender spot and you whined loudly and squirmed where you lay.

“Hush.” He said, trying to patch up the area as much as possible. Your whimpering died down and you lay limp in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took SO LONG to update. been real busy. but i did write ahead so more chapters coming more regularly.


	12. Chapter 12

_You awoke with a start. Your face buried in someone’s neck and your arms wrapped tightly around them with your legs on either side of their waist. Their arms lazily rubbed up and down your sides. You buried your face further into their warmth and they shifted one of their hands to run through your hair. You let out a content sigh as they squeezed you tighter against them. You sat in a comfortable silence, breathing in the scent of whoever you had curled yourself against. After a while you made a move to look at them but you were grabbed tightly and prevented from moving._

_“Wha-“_

_“Be still.”_

_Your eyes widened._

_You knew that voice. Except, whenever you usually heard it, it was warped._

_“Ren?” You asked. He squeezed your sides and exhaled deeply. Was this really him? He’d never been… **affectionate** to you before. Why were you picturing him this way in your dreams? You pushed the thought away and snuggled even closer to him. Regardless of what was going on you would enjoy this version Ren while you had him._

_“What's going on?” You asked._

_“You got stabbed.”_

_You giggled into his neck. “Yeah, no shit.”_

_“And now you’re in a coma.”_

_“Yeah, right.” You said humming happily._

_“You doubt me?”_

_“No...” You stifled a giggle._

_“I’m being serious.”_

_You reached a hand up to pluck him on his helmet but all you felt was cool skin. You move your hand further and feel soft tendrils of hair._

_“You’re not wearing your helmet.”_

_“…No.”_

_You sat still a moment longer and then quickly tried to move away to face him but he held you securely against him._

_“Ren!” you whined, squirming against his hold._

_“You’re healing, but if you move around too much you will wake up too soon.”_

_“Ugh..” you groaned. You really didn’t want this dream to be over so you sat still and stopped your movements. “I want to see you.”_

_“Do not act like a child.”_

_You whined into his neck in response and rested your head on his shoulder. He sighed and his hands stopped moving along your sides._

_“…If I allow you to see me…will you sit still?”_

_“Mmm… yes.” You smirked. He sighed again and loosened his hold on you. You slowly sat back and turned to see his face. He was pale, handsome, with a couple of freckles spread out on his face. The feature that stood out the most was the scar that cut diagonally across his face. Your lips unintentionally parted with a soft gasp as you looked him over._

_“Ren…” You breathed, reaching your hand out towards his face. He let you caress his cheek, his eyes darting across your face as you examined his every feature. You reached your hand to his scar and he shut his eyes as you ran your fingers across it. You shut your eyes too and saw the scavenger girl strike Ren across his face. Flashes of blue and red on a snowy planet echoed behind your eyelids before you opened your eyes again._

_It all felt too real._

_“That girl… she did this to you?”_

_He nodded softly and opened his eyes again. How could you see all this in a dream? **Was** this really a dream?_

_“Ren?” Your voice cracked as you spoke. “  …. Are you **really** here?”_

_He tightened his grip on you again. “Yes.”_

_“Am…. Am I really in a coma?”_

_He nodded. “For almost a week now.”_

_What?_

_No. That couldn’t have been right. You had only just shut your eyes a moment ago when Ren had brought you back on the ship._

_“You were too weak to become lucid in your dreams before, but today I got through.”_

_“How much longer am I gonna be like this?”_

_He moved forward, his nose nudging up against yours. He said nothing as he watched you closely before pulling you in close again. You sighed buried your face in his neck once more before drifting back off to sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of fluff anyone? only in your dreams....
> 
> (see what i did there?)


	13. Chapter 13

You awoke slowly in a familiar bright room. You were comfortable. Really comfortable. As soon as your eyes had started to flutter open the medical droid had started to make its way over to you. A bright light flashed in front of your eyes then moved from side to side.

“I’m just going to check your bandage.” The droid said calmly. You nodded but weren’t really paying any attention. Where was Ren?

You hissed and jumped back when you felt the mechanical hands on your stomach.

“Forgive me, mam.” The droid said peeling back the layer of gauze wrapped tightly around your side. After examining it for a moment the droid put it back into place.

“You seem to be healing quite well.” It said and you gave it a small smile.  “Here.” The droid handed you a small cup with two bright colored pills and another cup of water. After you swallowed down the pills with the water you looked around the room but Ren still wasn’t anywhere in site.

“You’re low on fluids so drink the rest of your water.” The droid said before busying themselves with something on the other side of the room.

You pulled the cup of water back to your lips and almost choked when you heard the doors opening. You turned around quickly and the smile that had begun to spread across your face quickly dropped.

“I came as soon as I heard you were awake.” Said the red-headed man. You frowned immediately and turned back around, hiding your face behind your cup.

“I must applaud you.” You could hear his footsteps then saw him as he moved into your line of vision. “I thought your purpose was… of a different sort.”

You rolled your eyes at his reminder of your first meeting.

“But it seems you have proven your worth to the First Order.” You looked up and saw him looking at you with a sour expression ( ~~or maybe that was just his face).~~

“I don’t serve the First Order.”

“Yet, you have gotten us closer to finding Skywalker than even Kylo Ren.”

You finally looked up at him and tilted your head in confusion.

“The girl,” He went over and picked up one of your charts. “after your… encounter with her at the Resistance base she and others from the Resistance fled.”

“To where?”

“The Assumption? Wherever Skywalker has been hiding all this time.” He flipped the pages of the chart aimlessly.

“So… you found him?” You took another sip of your water.

“Not exactly.” He set the chart down and looked back at you. “We do not have an exact location but a number of ships have been sent out to scout the general area.”

You tipped your cup back and finished your water, “Well, I guess that’s good for you then.”

He narrowed his eyes, “Indeed.”

“….so, where is Ren?”

“On one of the ships I mentioned.”

_Oh._

“Well, will he be gone long? We still have a lot of training to do.” You tried to sound as casual as possible. It’s not like you were thinking about him constantly after that dream or anything like that. You were just… genuinely curious.

“He will return next week.” You groaned inwardly. _A whole week?!_

“Well what am I supposed to do until he gets back?”

“You are recovering. And you will continue to recover for the rest of the week.”

You groaned loudly and flopped back onto your back. They really expected you to just sit here all day until Ren got back? It’s not like you were going to miss him, being here all by yourself. But… you didn’t want to be bored. Yeah, that was it.

“I will be coming by daily to check in on you and to inform you of our progress.”

“Great.” You said, the sarcasm evident in your voice.

“I suggest you get comfortable.” He said, but you weren’t listening. You were already done talking to him. You just wanted to see Ren….  So you could practice with the force, you told yourself.

 

Yeah..  Nothing more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I am working on the next two chapters which are some of my favorites that i have written so far. Hope you're enjoying!


	14. Chapter 14

True to Hux’s word, you were in the medical bay for the rest of the week.

A week of constantly thinking and over-analyzing your “dream-encounter” with Ren. Every time you closed your eyes you hoped you would see him again and… nothing. Nothing at all. Constantly trying to see Ren in your sleep actually kept you up at night.

Bored out of your mind you tried speaking with the medical droid, who was busy most of the time. Regardless the droid seemed to know how stir crazy you were getting and entertained all of your idle chatter. Based on their “name”, which was really just a set of random numbers and letters, you called them Pat. Sometimes you practiced using the force, much to Pat’s dismay. You lifted objects and gave them to Pat when needed, but Pat didn’t seem to like it when you tried lifting them.

“So you think I’m good to go today, Pat?” You asked, wiggling a strange looking thermometer. Pat took it from your hand and set it down behind him.

“You should be.” The droid tapped on a screen. “Your vitals seem to be back to normal, but I will have to recommend that you try not to get stabbed by a lightsaber again.”

You chuckled half-heartedly, “I’ll try.”

“These are for any minor pain you may have.” Pat said, handing you small bottle of pills. You nodded and put them into your pocket before swinging your legs around the side of the bed. “Oh, also General Hux messaged me to inform you that Commander Ren’s ship docked over an hour ago.”

“What?!” You hopped down from the cot and darted for the door. Ren was here? Pat yelled something to you about being careful and you yelled back an “ok!” and kept on going. You knew he was coming back today but you expected him to come to you.

You turned down another hallway and saw him and the chrome trooper you had last seen with General Hux. Ren turned to you and then back to the trooper. He nodded at the trooper who returned the gesture before turning to leave.

“Ren.” You said softly knowing he could still hear you.

He crossed the distance across the hallway to stand directly in front of you. “I trust you have healed well.”

“Um, yeah. Pat- I mean- the uh... medical droid helped me out a lot.”

He nodded and you could feel his eyes raking over your body. As if making sure you were really alright.

“So,” You said breaking the awkward silence. “When… uh… when are we gonna start training again?”

He stood still for a second before turning away from you and walking down the hallway. You followed closely behind him, having to jog slightly to keep up.

“Ren?” You called out to him but he continued to walk at his brisk pace. “Ren!” You tried again and he disregarded you again. You tried to work your way into his mind but his walls were up, preventing you from seeing anything.

“Hey.” You tried to grab his arm but he quickly moved out of your reach. Why was he acting this way? “Ren!”

You jumped when he turned around quickly and towered over your form.

“What is it that you want apprentice?” He hissed through his mask.

You hesitated a moment and the image of the two of you in each other’s arms flashed in your mind. But it’s not like you could tell him that. So, what now?

“I…I just-um...” You stuttered, looking down at the ground. What were you even going to say?

“Go and practice. I will be with you later.”

You perked up and met his gaze through his helmet. God, you missed his face.

“Ok. Yeah. I’ll see you then.” You said as you walked backwards away from him. He quickly turned and continued to walk down the hallway.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You pressed your palms onto your temples and groaned as you turned to walk forward. Why were you being so clingy? Why was _he_ being so distant? In the dream--if you could even call it that--the two of you were very closely wrapped up in one another. Your cheeks burned at the reminder of how close your faces had been. You were straddling his lap. His hands moving at your sides, caressing you… squeezing you…

Just the thought sent a tingling sensation through your entire body.

No.

You were here to learn the ways of the force. Not to be coddled and caressed by your master…. Right?

Right.

You ignored the warm ache that had started to grow between your legs as you walked into the practice room. This would take your mind off things. Your connection to the force was growing stronger every day. You moved each of the objects in the room, noting that you could only lift one at a time. Taking a risk, you lifted two of the smaller objects into the air at the same time.

Then you added another.

And another.

And another until you had each and every object in the room.

A huge grin spread across your face. You moved the objects around you, letting them all rotate around then room.

“Impressive.” You jumped and all of the objects dropped loudly to the floor. You groaned inwardly at the familiar voice.

“Is there something you want, Hux?” You said, not even bothering to turn around.

“I came to tell you that Kylo Ren is unable to train with you today.”

You groaned loudly and an object flew across the room. What the hell was going on with him? Why was he acting this way?

“However,” You rolled your eyes in anticipation. “You are more than welcome to join Captain Phasma and I for dinner. You must be hungry.”

You _were_ actually hungry. Very hungry. But you didn’t want to eat with Hux and it was getting late.

 _‘Come to my quarters.’_ A voice echoed in your head.

_Ren._

“Um… thank you General but… um I will be alright.”

He shrugged dismissively, “Suit yourself.” He said before turning to leave.

Once you were alone you turned your focused back on Ren.

“I don’t even know where your room is.”

 _‘You will..’_ His voice sounded almost amused.

You rolled your eyes and groaned before heading out of the training room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter may take a long time because i want to explore the relationship between the reader and Ren more.
> 
> But i really like writing these two together a lot so it may come out soon. I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!!


	15. Chapter 15

His room was exactly what you had expected of him. Dark. Black. Plain. Not that you had imagined his bedroom before or anything. Still it was bigger than your room with a seating area and kitchen before entering the main bedroom. He was sat in a large chair by his bed, a book in one of his gloved hands. And… his mask was still on. You stood almost completely still, watching him. Waiting for him to speak first.

  
“If there is something you want then ask for it.” He said, still not looking up from his book. You chewed your lip nervously. All you wanted was to see his face and be in his arms again. It was practically all you had been thinking about since you had woken up. And he, being the powerful force user that he was, knew this as well. You shifted on your feet and watched him awkwardly.

  
“If I do not give you permission are you going to stand there all night?”

  
_Yes. No….. Probably not._

  
He huffed loudly and finally glanced your way, “Come over here.”

  
You wasted no time scrambling into his lap. You nuzzled your face into his neck and a rumbling sound came from his chest as he wrapped one of his arms around you.

  
“Are you comfortable, apprentice?”

  
“Mmhm...” you hummed happily into his neck.

   
“You haven’t eaten.”

  
“Hmm?” You peaked up slightly from his shoulder.

  
“Hux invited you to dinner.”

  
“Oh. Um.. Yeah.”

  
He gently nudged you. “The table.”

  
You turned around and saw a tray of food on the table across the room. The food actually looked quite delicious but… it was so far away. You debated whether you wanted to leave the warmth of his arms or to go and eat.

  
“You’re hungry. Eat.”

  
_But I’m sooo comfortable_ … You whined in your head. He sighed deeply and nudged you again.

“What?” You said sitting up to look at him but instead saw a small plate of fruit floating in front of your face.

  
“Oh,” You grabbed it in your hand carefully. “Thank you.”

  
Ren only nodded and continued to read his book. You squirmed in his lap and turned around so that your back was to his chest and you could eat without making a mess.

  
“Are we going to talk about this?” You asked before plopping a strange looking fruit into your mouth.

  
“About what?”

  
“About this…” You put another piece of fruit into your mouth. “Us… whatever this is.”

  
“What exactly would you call this?”

  
_Master and apprentice cuddling sessions?_

  
“I dunno… but I..” You swallowed thickly. “I think I like it.”

  
Ren shut his book after a moment and set it to the side. You briefly thought that you’d said something wrong but you saw his hands disappear behind your head. The hissing sound of his helmet being taken off made you choke on the fruit in your mouth. Ren seemed to ignore your embarrassment and sat his helmet down on the bed beside you. His arms went around you and pulled you closer to him before grabbing a piece of fruit from the tray in your hand. Your face grew warm as you leaned into his touch.

  
“We could continue this.” He said before grabbing another piece.

  
“Um.. yeah. I think we should.”

  
“You could stay here.”

  
You paused mid bite. “Here?”

  
“You said you enjoy this, did you not?” He plucked the fruit from your hand before eating it himself.

  
“Yeah, but-“ You turned to face him and stopped. He licked his lips as he finished chewing the fruit in his mouth and your mind went blank. “Um... where would I sleep?”

  
Ren nodded over to the bed beside you and couldn’t help but look away. He grabbed your waist and twisted you around so that you were forced to look at him again. “Is this not to your liking?”

  
Your faces were really close and you looked away to avoid his gaze. “Uh, no. It’s fine... It’s just…”

  
“You’re confused.”

  
“I’m just trying to wrap my head around all of this.”

  
“We do not need to make anything more out of this than what it is.”

  
“Which is what, exactly?” You nibbled another piece of fruit nervously. “You’re my Master and I’m your apprentice and sometime we like to sit really close to each other?”

  
_Or on top of each other…._

  
He considered you for a moment and then nodded nonchalantly before eating the last piece of fruit. “And now… we also share a bed?”

  
“Purely platonic, apprentice.” The expression on his face betrayed his words. He adjusted his grip on you and your nose bumped against his. “Is that alright with you?”

  
His nose rubbed up against your and his breath was against your lips. You looked from his lips then back up to his eyes.

  
“Yeah… yeah, ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was really hesitant on whether to post this chapter because I am not sure if I like it at all, but if I don't I'll just go back through and fix it..
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... its been a real long time since i've updated this story. I honestly wasnt going to keep going with this because i lost inspiration and i didnt know what to do. but i have still been getting kudos on this story and people keep reading it and it made me go back and i found my inspiration again. i hope you enjoy this new chapter!

Prying yourself from the embrace of Ren’s arms was harder than you would admit. You went back to the training room and quickly grabbed the pain pills you had left there earlier. You also went back to your own room to grab an extra set of clothes.

Once you returned to Ren’s room for the night you dreamt strangely.

_Your dream had taken you somewhere you’d never been before. It wasn’t clear, but you could still make out the shapes of two people standing together._

_“….nothing you could have done…”_

_What?_

_“She made her decision…”_

_One of the figures shifted slightly. “I just… I wish I could have done more….”_

_That voice… Poe?_

_“..you know, it’s funny…” He laughed lightly. “There was this rumor... back when she was in training… that she had a crush on me..”_

_Both of the figures shared a laugh._

_“Are you serious? No way!”_

_“Hey, that’s what I heard!” Their laughed died down quickly. “It was dumb… I never had time to… well, you know…”_

“Poe..?” You said, not realizing you had spoken out loud. Your voice had broken you out of your dream. You blinked your eyes open to the dark room. You lifted your head from Ren’s chest, earning you a low rumble.

“ _Sorry_..” You whispered, turning away from him and laying on your side.

 _How did you see that?_ _And who the hell told him about your crush?!_

You felt Ren shift behind you until his front was flush with your back.

“You’re doing it again…” He mumbled, his voice raspy from sleep.

“Doing what?” His arm wound itself around your waist and he pulled you closer to him.

“Using the force without realizing it…”

“Oh.” _You had to figure out how to control that._ But, why did you go to Poe? You knit your brows together in confusion. You shut your eyes and tried to force yourself to go back to him. After a moment of nothing happening you groaned.

“Whatever you’re doing…” Ren muttered behind you. “you’re trying too hard.” You sat still for a moment and then turned around to face him.

“Ok, how should I do it then?” You questioned, raising one of your eyebrows. He didn’t open his eyes and then you felt his hand moving along your hip.

“Don’t force it…” His hand moved higher, dipping under your shirt. “you have to let it flow through you…” his fingers danced along your ribs and your breath hitched. His fingers were dangerously close to your breast.

“Ren…” You said breathily. His eyes opened slowly and your eyes met. Your lips parted slightly.

“Why do you keep thinking about him?”

“I…I don’t know.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards slightly. He took his hand from you and turned to sit up in the bed. “Go back to sleep.” He said before walking off to the refresher. You laid flat in the bed and stared at the ceiling. Now you were even more confused and… _frustrated_ (yeah that’s a good word for it). You laid there for a moment until you heard voices coming from inside the bathroom. You sat up on your elbows.

_Who is he talking to?_

You got an idea and sat up completely on the bed. You shut your eyes and focused in on Ren. You had only ever gotten into is his mind once, and even then you had only heard one word . You tried to follow his advice and let the force come naturally to you. You felt like you were moving even though your body remained still. You moved through the door of the refresher where you saw Ren talking to someone on a holopad. Ren, sensing your presence, turned to look in your direction before shutting you out. Your eyes were forced open and you were back in your body once again.

You groaned before flopping back down onto the bed again. The voices in the refresher stopped and you heard Ren open the door.

“You are become increasingly bolder.”

You lifted your head and peaked up at him innocently, “I was just practicing…”

“Get up.” He said as he crossed the room. You sat up and looked at him curiously. “Since you want to practice using the force so much, you’re coming with me.”

“Where?”

“I’ll tell you on the way.” He threw a set of robes at you. You grabbed the set of clothes you brought and went into the refresher to change.

______________________________

 

Ren still refused to tell you where you were going even as the two of you traveled. You folded your arms and pouted, sitting back in the seat.

“Am I even dressed appropriately?” You turned to him. “You’re not taking me to an ice planet dressed like this, right?”

“We’re here.” He said, apparently ignoring you.

You sat up to look out of the window. The planet was green, lush, full of all sorts of different plants. He gently landed the ship in a shaded area. Once the two of you were off the ship he led you to a different spot. The place looked deserted, no sign of any people anywhere. When you got to a clearing Ren stopped and turned to face you.

“We got word of a sighting in this area.” He said.

“A sighting? Of who?” You gave a him a confused expression.

“You tell me.” He took a step away from you.

“Wait what?”

“Someone was here before us. I’m not sure how long before. Tell me who it was and what they were doing.”

“Um… Ok.” You huffed loudly before crouching down to the ground.

You peeked up at him quickly. “You know you never taught me this, right?”

“I also never taught you to spy on my conversations.” You could hear the grin in his voice. You shook your head and closed your eyes, focusing on where you were. Loud, muddled voices filled your ears, and you couldn’t make out what they were saying. All of the voices spoke on top of one another and their conversations mixed in to each other.

“Ugh..” you groaned. “It’s too much…”

“Focus, apprentice.”

“I’m trying.” You spoke through gritted teeth, trying your hardest to filter through the voices.

“Relax…” You felt him press his hand to your back soothingly. “Remember what I told you.”

You took a deep breath and calmed down. You lifted your hand and placed it on the soft ground below you. The voices gradually became clearer and a vision opened up before your eyes.

_A group of people in a huddled together in a tent. Several other tents were set up next to it. As well as ships and x-wings lined up behind them. The people stood over a table overlooking a map and some sort of blueprints._

_“We have to leave.” And older man said. You’d never seen him before. His hair was long and graying. “We’ve already been here too long.”_

_“You don’t think they’re still following us, do you?” A young boy you recognized said. Wait, this was who Poe was talking to in your dream earlier._

_“The girl you told me about.” The man said. “If what you said is true about her, her ability is growing incredibly fast. The two of them together is a dangerous combination.”_

_“There’s gotta be something we can do for her.” Poe said. “She’s not like him. I know she’ll come back to us.”_

_“Poe, I want to believe you too but you saw what she did to the General.” The girl said._

Wait. _What you did to the General?_ You hadn’t touched the General. What was she talking about?

“Pull back apprentice.” Ren called, his voice distant to you.

_“He must have done something to her! That wasn’t who she is!”_

_“There may be a chance to bring her back.” The older man said. “But she has to come willingly.” He put his hand, which was apparently mechanical, on Poe’s shoulder. “You cannot force her.”_

“ **Apprentice**.” Ren spoke to you again.

“Just..nngh wait!” you groaned, trying to keep your focus.

_“You think she can come back?” The girl turned to the man. “The General is still in recovery! She’s your sister! You’d let someone who did that just… come back?”_

Recovery? No… no. You didn’t do anything. You… You’d blacked out and… then… then what?

_“Anyone who turns away from the dark deserves a second chance.” He gave her a stern look._

“(Y/N)!”

You inhaled harshly as you were pulled back to the present. It took you a moment to come back to your senses. Ren was kneeling in front you and he held your face in his hands. His helmet was thrown onto the ground behind him. Your eyes were watering and it took you a moment to catch your breath. You felt a dampness under your nose that smelt of iron.

“You overexerted yourself…” He wiped at the tears in your eyes with his thumbs. “I told you to pull back.”

“What…” You took a deep breath. “What did I do?” You struggled to speak and gripped on to his arms to steady yourself.

“We need to go.” He put his helmet back on and swooped you up into his arms and carried you back to the ship.

“Tell me…” You groaned, your head leaning against his chest.

“When we get back.” He said.

“Promise?”

“… I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i missed writing this story and i have so many ideas of where to take it! i hope you enjoyed! :) (also i didnt read back over this so excuse any of the mistakes )


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know whats wrong with me. This was supposed to go up like two nights ago. Sorry for keeping you in suspense. Its kinda short so the next chapter will be coming soon! 
> 
> Thank you everyone that stuck with this story even though i took so long to update it!
> 
> Anyways enjoy!!

Once the two of you arrived back Ren carried you most of the way back to his room.

“I can walk.” You grumbled, your head laying against his chest.

“No. You can’t.” He said.

You sniffled and pushed your face back into his neck, not wanting to prove him right. He carried you mostly in silence but before you could reach his room the two of you were stopped.

“What did you find?” said an annoying voice that you recognized. You lifted your head and looked at General Hux. You really didn’t want to deal with him right now.

“They were there. Skywalker too.” You said, your voice somewhat hoarse. “Couldn’t figure out where they went. We’ll go back and find out.”

“No. _We_ will not.” Ren said and the two of you turned to him. “I will go back alone.” You frowned at him but didn’t want to argue. Hux looked completely uninterested in whatever was going on between the two of you.

“As long as the job gets done. The Supreme Leader will be expecting a report soon.” He walked off and left the two of you alone to return to Ren’s room. Ren sat you down gently in the chair by the bed while he moved to take of his helmet.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” You sat back in the chair. He kneeled down in front of you, a dry cloth in his hand. He patted the sweat off of your face before he spoke.

“The truth?” He stammered a moment. “I didn’t want you to know what was happening to you.”

“Why? What’s happening to me?” You stared up at him.

“The wall that was blocking you from using the force is completely gone now.”

“It is?”

He nodded slowly, “Everything is hitting you at once. It’s the reason why when you attacked… the General, you became so overwhelmed that you blacked out.”

“I… I attacked her?” Your lip quivered. “I don’t remember doing anything!”

He sighed, holding your face in his hands. “Would you like me to show you?” You stared up at him and nodded slowly.

_Suddenly you could feel Ren pulling you into his mind. You were back at the Resistance base, watching from what happened from Ren’s perspective. You watched as you stood in front of Ren, speaking to the girl._

_“You’re protecting this monster?”_

_“No, I’m protecting you.”_

_That was the last thing you remembered. From Ren’s perspective, you felt a shift. A burst of energy coming from your direction. The girl must have felt it too. She stumbled back, almost falling on the ground._

_You felt Ren’s confusion about what was happening to you. Something had just… ‘burst’ within you. You watched as you used the force to push the girl away from you, her lightsaber falling from her hand. Your hand shot out in front of you and General Organa’s hands went around her neck. She gasped for breath and her eyes widened in shock as she looked at you._

_“(Y/N)!” Poe rushed over to her side as she dropped to her knees. “Stop! What are you doing? (Y/N)?”_

_You ignored Poe’s words, reaching back Ren’s lightsaber was snatched from his belt and flew into your hand._

_What were you doing? Y-you weren’t actually going to try and kill her… were you? The saber ignited in your hand, glowing bright red. You raised the saber above your head before taking a step forward. The girl realized what you were doing and jumped off of the ground. Her saber was ignited and she blocked your attack easily.  Your stance faltered and she swung at you her saber at you. Quickly you swung the saber blocking it as it just barely touched you._

_Ren moved forward, having seen enough, but the girl saw him before he could act. You swung the saber at her, hoping to catch her off guard. She moved to dodge your attack but her sword was too low. She thrusted her saber forward, catching you in the stomach. Your eyes widened and you realized what happened. Ren’s lightsaber retracted and it fell from your hand. You clutched at your stomach and fell backwards to the ground. You could feel Ren’s panic in the moment. His drew his saber into his hand but you had already used the force to push the girl away from you. Having seen what you’d done, he tucked away his saber, not caring about the girl as he knelt down next to you._

Your head snapped back and you were pulled back into the present. Your eyes were moist as you stared back at Ren.

“I-I would’ve... I would’ve killed her…” You stammered. He pulled you to his chest and held you tightly. You wrapped your arms around him, and sniffled into his neck.

“You’re torn.”

“W-what?” Your voice shook.

“Between the light and the dark.” He pulled away just far enough to peer at your face. “I thought you didn’t favor either side but… there’s a bit of both in you.”

“Stop… just stop…” you said, exasperated. _The light and the dark?_ “Can we just… just go to bed and talk about this in the morning?”

He looked you over before giving you a small nod. You lifted your arms expectedly and he made an amused sound beneath his mask before he lifted you effortlessly into his arms. You wrapped your legs around his waist automatically as he carried you to bed. He laid you down softly onto the bed and turned to move away from you.

“Wait!” You sat up and reached for him. “Where are you going?”

“Do you expect me to sleep like this?”

“Oh.” You released his arm reluctantly and shrunk back onto the sheets. “Sorry.”

He stared at you a moment longer and then took off his helmet. He moved away from you to return it to its original spot.

He moved back to you and squatted in front of the bed so he was level with your face. “I know you’re afraid.” He said, his voice softer than you had ever heard it. Ren reached a hand out and caressed your cheek. “I’m going to take care of you.”

You only nodded and pressed your forehead against his. He watched you a moment longer before removing himself from you and going into the bathroom.  You sighed and rubbed a hand over your face. You peeled off your outer robes and threw them onto the chair. You kicked your shoes off your feet and settled snugly under the blankets before quickly drifting off.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SOO LONG BUT IM ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY WITH THIS CHAPTER, i hope you guys like it :)

 

He held you tightly that night the two of you slept. Cradling you to his chest, you slept like a rock. The pain in your head dissipating as you slept. Your leg thrown over his waist lazily as you laid your head on your chest. He rubbed your back slowly as he stared up at the ceiling, his mind going elsewhere as he listened your calm breaths. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to become… attached. There was so much more going on that you had no idea about. The fact that you thought you were here solely to be trained in the ways of the force proved that. He had tried long enough to keep you away from Snoke and his true intentions for you. He looked down at your small sleeping form. You whimpered slightly and buried your face further into his chest. His communicator buzzed on the bedside and you stirred at the sound. He gently moved from under you, careful not to wake you.

Upon seeing who it was he sighed loudly. He glanced back at you one last time before he got up and began to get ready. He’d make up some excuse to tell you, worrying you with this was way more stress than you needed. But for now, he had to get ready. It was going to be a long day.

                                            _____________________

 

“But why do you _have_ to go? Can’t you just train me today?”

“I already told you, I can’t. You can train on your own.”

You folded your arms and rested them on top on your knees. “But you’re my master. You’re supposed to be teaching me, right?”

“Stop pouting. It’s only for a while.”

“I’m not pouting.” You grumbled, laying your chin on your arms.

“Yes, you are.” He said as he walked towards you. You peered up at him and he held your chin is his hand. Your eyes widened slightly when he ran his thumb along your bottom lip.

“You always push this out when your pouting.”

Your face immediately grew warm and you shook your head and scooted back, out of his reach. “ _So_ ,” You said, smoothing a piece of hair behind your ear. “How long are you going to be gone?”

“I’m not going away, I’ll still be on the base. And I’ll be back here every night.”

“But _where_ on the base?” You whined on purpose this time.

“That is none of your concern.” He walked to the other side of the room and opened a drawer as he continued getting dressed. “The knights arrived and we will be meeting with the Supreme Leader in hopes to-“

“Wait! Did you say knights?”

You heard him sigh loudly, like that wasn’t something you were supposed to hear. “What knights? You have knights??” You jumped off the bed and stood by his side, bouncing slightly.

You could tell he didn’t want to talk to you about this, but even so a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Tell me everything about them!” You smiled brightly at him.

“No,” He grabbed something out of the drawer and slammed it shut. “The fact that you even know about them means you already know too much.”

“Uhh…” you groaned and flopped back onto the back. “So you won’t train with me, and now you won’t even tell me about these ‘mystery knights’. Uhh, why don’t you just throw me out of an airlock already.”

He gave you a small chuckle, “Trust me, the less you know about them, the better.”

 

                                    ___________________________________

 

Instead of practicing you wandered about the areas of the base. Word must have spread about who you were because of the way people acted towards you. Mainly, they stayed away from you. Avoided you if they could. Stormtroopers broke formation to walk around you, officers avoided your gaze and started to walk quickly so they could get away from you. You frowned at their actions but continued on your quest of trying to find something to do. As you rounded the corner you were suddenly stopped as two officers came out of a room and quickly moved so they were out of your way. You shrugged your behavior off and noticed that the door hadn’t slid shut all the way. You looked to see if anyone was watching and quickly snuck into the room. You flopped into one of the spinning chairs and looked around on the desk. A pair of headphones were connected to the device and you slipped them over your head easily.

You played around with the dials on the console. Static flowed through the headset as you tuned in and out to different frequencies. You continued to turn the dials until you thought you heard someone’s voice. You switched back to the channel and a voice peaked through the static and you immediately adjusted the dials in order to hear the voice more clearly. “Hello?” You called out, unsure if your mic was even plugged in.

“This is a secure channel please state your call sign.” A familiar voice rang through the communicator.

“Huh?..uh…”

“If you can hear me please state your call sign.” He said again.

“…Poe?”

“Please identify yourself.” His voice came again. You hesitated a moment, unsure of what to say. “Is there anyone still there?” he said.

“Y-yes! I’m here! P-Poe Dameron is that you?”

“This is a secure line, you must identify yourself to proceed-”

“P-poe…It’s me.”

“I’m not sure wh-“

“It’s (Y/N), Poe! It’s me!”

There was a long pause on his end and you heard something adjusting in the background.

“(Y/N), is it really you?” He said, his voice more hushed this time.

“Yes! It’s me Poe.” A small smile worked its way onto your face. “I-it’s really good to hear your voice again.”

“Oh my gosh, (Y/N). The way some people are talking here… I thought I’d never hear from you again…”

“Poe…I’m ok… h-how are you?” You spoke shyly.

“Me? I-I’m good. I’m ok. A little tired is all.”

“Really? Not sleeping well?”

“Nah, well we’ve been traveling a lot. And I was worried, ya know…”

You heard him swallow harshly.

“…about you.”

Your face grew warm at his words. _He was worried about you?_ You heard muffled voices in the background. “Poe, where are you?”

“(Y/N), I-I cant-“

“Yeah, sorry. Dumb question.” You smiled softly.

“But, I can say that I’m in the x-wing.” He said.

“How’s bb-8?”

You hear a beeping sound in the background. “Still kicking. He says hello.” You can’t help the giggle that slips past your lips. You hear more beeping in the background.

“No-no, bb-8 we talked about this… she- she’s..” He lowers his voice. “..she’s not coming back bb-8.”

You swallow hard. “P-Poe I-“ You hear a sound coming the other side of the door.

“Crap…” you said as you heard footsteps starting to come down the hall. “Look Poe, I’ve gotta go but can I talk to you again?”

“Uh.. yeah… Yeah of course! I’ll try to figure out a way to make the line more secure next time.” He said.

“Ok, ok good.” You glanced back at the door the footsteps growing closer. 

“(Y/N), please be careful.”

“You too, Poe.”

You hurriedly switched away from the station and turned around quickly in time to see Ren and General Hux entering the room. Hux gave you a disgusted look and you could sense the slight confusion coming from your master.

“ _What_ are you doing here?” Hux sneered.

“Nothing.” You said dismissively. The Generals frown deepened and his eyes wandered behind you.

“Did you touch anything?!”

“No!” You said. “I was just looking at it! I don’t even know how to use any of this stuff.”

A curious look spread across Hux’s face as he sauntered in front of you. “Well then, you won’t mind if I take a look at the most recent transmissions, will you?” Your eyes widened and you looked back and forth between Ren and Hux.

“Uh…um!” You stretched your hand out and used the force to call Rens lightsaber into your hand. You quickly ignited it and slashed into the control panel and destroying the device in front of you. Hux shielded his face as the sparks flew as you continued to slash into it until the lights on the machine died down. When you were done you turned off Ren’s lightsaber and turned to face the two sheepishly.

Hux slowly lowered his arms and looked at you incredulously. “What is wrong with you?!”

“I…Um… I was just-“

“Get out!” He shouted and you scurried out of the room quickly. Not even bothering to look at Ren as you walked through the sliding doors. You let out the breath you had been holding and got yourself together as you headed back to your room.

 

                                       _______________________________

 

You sat on the bed awkwardly, trying to look as innocent as possible. You kept your mind closed off so he wouldn’t know what had happened earlier. He looked at you and you could sense the same confusion from earlier returning to him.

“What was that?”

“What was _what_?” You replied.

“In the communications room. _What_ was that?”

You shrugged off his question, “Nothing. I told you I was just looking around. It’s so boring around here.” He shook his head at you and crossed the room. “I mean, maybe if my master didn’t leave me alone all day I wouldn’t go around destroying things.” You said sarcastically.

“Are you pouting again?”

“No…” You grumbled.

“Because, it sure sounds like your pouting again.”

“I’m not pou-“ You started but then stopped when you glanced up at him. He fuddled with an article of clothing, trying to untangle it before putting it on. But…he didn’t have a shirt on. He always had clothes on. Sometimes way too much clothing. His back was toned and the muscles on his arms were perfectly toned.

_Had he ever changed in front of you before? He must’ve… right? I mean… you’d slept together. Not like that, of course! Just actual sleeping…_

 Your mind went blank as he turned around and you could see the deep contours in his toned chest. He looked towards you and said something but you hadn’t heard him.

“Huh?”

“Can you hand me that?” He repeated himself and pointed at something on the bedside table. You hurriedly turned around and grabbed it, avoiding eye contact as you handed it to him. You picked at the comforter and continued to hide your face. It’s not like you hadn’t thought about that before. It just…It’s not like he wanted to… Right?

You peaked up at him again and your eyes lingered over his form as he took  his time in changing. His eyes wandered over to you and your eyes widened, as if you’d been caught doing something wrong.

“What?”

“ _What? Nothing!_ ” You quickly answered, avoiding eye contact.

It was going to be a long night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working on the next chapter now! hopefully wont take as long as the last one! AND I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS ONE!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY! I AM SO SORRY! i missed writing this story so much so here's a new chapter!
> 
> ALSO SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES ILL FIX THEM LATER!

“No.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

“But you didn’t even let me ex-“

“No.”

“Ren!” You cried out as you trailed after him. “I _need_ my own lightsaber! I’m sick of using yours all the time.”

“You expect me to give you own saber after what you did in the communications room? You’ll destroy the entire base.” He said as he continued to dress.

“But how are you going to train me for battle against someone else?” He paused in his actions and listened. “Last time I got stabbed, remember?”

He turned around to face you then and held your face in his hands, “I will _never_ let anything like that happen to you again.”

“I know you won’t.” You locked eyes with him and put your hands on top of his. “But I don’t want to be helpless. I want to be able to defend myself.”

He sighed and pressed his lips into a thin line. You watched his face and then he pulled away from you.

“Hmm…” You heard him groan, like he was considering you. He went to go get his helmet and you followed behind him.

“So… Is that a yes?”

“I didn’t say yes.” He said simply and put his helmet on.

“So your saying n-“ You started.

“I didn’t say no either.” And even through the mechanical warble you could hear the smile in his voice. “I have several meetings to attend to and Supreme Leader Snoke is supposed to be in contact with us as well.”

“Ugh.” You groaned. “Well, what am I supposed to do until you get back?”

“I know you haven’t been practicing with the force. Even if you do get a lightsaber your connection to the force is your strongest weapon.”

“My connection is strong!” You whined.

“Really?” He said, with a slight smirk. He turned away from you and then quickly he turned back around and threw something at you. You flinched as whatever Ren threw at you had plucked you on the forehead.

“Ow…” You groaned rubbing the spot. “What was that for?”

“You should’ve stopped that before it hit you. Or at least seen it coming.” He gave a small chuckle as he placed his helmet over his head.

He went over to you, and tilted your chin upwards so you could gaze up at him through his mask. “Practice.”  He said as he started to leave.

_________________________________

 

Much to your and Kylo’s surprise you actually went and practiced. Ren had been right about your connection to the force not being as strong as it should have been. You sat on the floor with your eyes closed, cross-legged, reaching out to the force. You gradually began to move things throughout the room. You continued to meditate and strengthen your connection to the force when an image of Ren flashed in your mind. You opened your eyes and just as you stood Kylo walked through the doors.

As he stepped through the doors you watched him look up and see all the objects that you had continued to keep suspended in the air around you. He picked something up off the table and threw it to you. You reacted quickly, catching it with the force and lifting it into the air with the other items.

“Impressive.” He said, and you gave him a sly smile. “But how good is your focus?”

You lifted an eyebrow in confusion, unsure of what he meant.  Suddenly an image of you and Ren flashed in your mind. The vision of the two of you, in each other’s arms, holding on to one another intimately, and…. kissing.

You gasped loudly every object you had were holding up with the force clattered to the ground loudly. You shot a suprised glance in Ren’s direction.

“What was that?” You asked as you stumbled to your feet.

“I have no idea.”

“What?”

“I merely pulled something from your mind that _you_ wanted to see and showed it to you. I didn’t see it.”

“Yeah, right.” You said sarcastically. You paused for a moment and then your expression turned serious. “Really?”

“Yes.” He took a step closer to you. “Would you like to tell me what it was?”

“NO!” you said, maybe a bit too loudly “I mean, no. I-it was nothing.” You gave a weak smile. The two of you stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before you spoke and broke the tension.

“So, I’m _starving._ ” You gave a nervous chuckle. “Wanna head back to the room and get something to eat? Maybe watch a movie?”

_Wait. That sounded suspiciously like a date. Were you asking him out on a date? Would he even know if you were?_

“But if you’re busy that’s ok, too!” You quickly blurted out.

“I can’t,” He started, not looking in your direction. “I have something to finish first, it may take a while.”

“Yeah, that’s totally fine!” You said, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“If I finish early... I will join you.” He said.

“OK! I’ll..uh.. I’ll see ya..” you awkwardly shuffled out of the room.

________________________

Later that night you laid in bed, watching some film on the holopad you were given. You heard the doors to your shared quarters open and in walked Ren.

“Are you finished practicing for the day?” He asked simply.

“It was getting late so I thought it was a good time to stop.” He nodded in your direction and turned away from you. He was fiddling with something on a table, but you couldn’t see what from where he was standing.

You shut off the holopad and flipped onto your back to get a better look at him. “Where have you been? I knew you weren’t going to make it for lunch but I thought you were at least gonna be back for dinner.” You gestured to the empty food containers that you were brought earlier.

He mumbled something along the lines of “…busy..”. He turned to face you, “Come here for a moment.” You rolled your eyes but complied, sliding off the bed and to your feet. You groggily walked over to him and saw a long rectangular box on the table. Your eyes widened and you sidled up beside him.

“Is this what I think it is?” You practically squealed.

“Open it.”

“Is this what you’ve been busy with all day?” You asked already sensing the answer. He merely nodded towards the box, urging you to open it.

You giddily set it down on top of a nearby table and opened the top off of the box. You gasped loudly and took the small staff out of the box. You turned it and twisted it, trying to look like it from all angles. Something was carved in the side of the handle and you pulled it closer to get a better look at it but it was in a language you couldn’t understand. You waved it around in your hand, pretending to be in a battle.

You heard the sound of Kylo taking his helmet off his head and setting it down. “Your form is off.” He said. You could hear his footsteps as he came closer to you.

“Here, hold it like this.” He stepped in closer behind you, pressing his front fully to your backside. Your face grew warm he placed his hand over yours and adjusted your grip.

“Hold it tighter.” You felt his warm breath against your ear and tried to stay calm. “You need a firmer stance.” He moved his hand to your hips and your breath hitched. He paused briefly and turned to face you, his lips grazing your cheek. He swiveled your hips briefly against him and you let out a low whimper.

“Does that feel better?” He spoke.

You could only nod, nervously.

“Now, turn it on.”

“Hmm?” You turned back slightly to look at him.

He nodded towards a button on the handle. You pressed the ignitor and your eyes grew wide as a brilliant purple glow filled the room.

“I-it’s purple.”

“Do you like it?” He asked softly. You waved it slightly, watching the slight trail of light it left. A grin spread across your face and you moved it faster, hearing the sound your saber made as you waved it. It fit perfectly in your hand, like it was made for you. You pressed the button once more and the saber retracted and turned off. You turned around to face him and he kept his hands and your hips.

“I-I…” You stuttered as Ren kept his gaze locked with yours.

“I love it..” You said softly, turning around to face him. He watched your expression as he pulled you closer and bent his head down to yours. You followed suit and stood up on your tip toes and slowly pressed your lips to his. You pulled away briefly gazing up at him. He immediately pulled you back to him and kissed you again. Your arms wound around his neck and he clutched your shirt tightly as he tugged you closer. He slipped his tongue into your mouth and you accepted him happily. He groaned into the kiss lifting you easily into his arms, your legs immediately wrapping around his waist. He cradled the back of your head and held you to him tightly.

Kissing Ren felt amazing. It felt like something you’d been waiting for, for so long. You felt him turn the two of you as he sat on top of the bed and settled you in his lap. He pulled his lips away from yours and groaned, burying his face into your neck and continuing the kisses there. You whimpered loudly and threw your head back. You could feel him smile at your reaction and softly bite, knowing it would leave a mark.

Then at the same moment you and Ren, sensing the same thing, turned to face the door on the other side of the room. Moments later you both heard the sound of someone knocking on the other side of the door.

“Commander Ren.” The other person called.

You groaned and laid your head into the crook of his neck. You felt him press one last kiss to your forehead before addressing whoever it was.

“What is it?” He responded.

“A transmission from Supreme Leader Snoke.”

You groaned even louder and he chuckled at you. “Inform General Hux as well.” He lifted you off the wall but continued to hold you in his arms. He adjusted his grip on you and glanced at you. “Do you want to join us?”

“Ugh… no thanks. I-I’m kinda tired I think I’ll try and get some rest.” You said, trying not to stutter and avoiding his gaze. Your face was still hot from the kisses and being in this close proximity to him wasn’t helping much either.

“Now that you have this,” He grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him, “do you promise not to hurt yourself?”

“Y-yeah, I promise… I’ll be careful.” You peered up at his face shyly. He set you gently down on the bed before rising and retrieving his helmet. When he left the room you rubbed your thighs together, noticing the slight wetness between your legs.

_Well… tonight was gonna be fun._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly... the thing that made me come back to this story was the fact that i was waiting for other people to update their fics and i was like:  
> "oh my gosh why is no one updating"
> 
> and then i thought about my stories that i wasnt updating and i was like..  
> "oh.."
> 
> so im going to try as much as i can to update more often. i started writing the next chapter and its kinda sad for me, (you'll see why)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY!!!  
> Dont be mad! I'm so sorry! A lot happened in the time i was away! I literally wrote myself into a hole and i wasnt sure where i was going with the story! So im sorry!  
> Also i saw The Last Jedi so i wasnt sure how i was going to connect this to that?? So heres just a warning that this story will probably have spoilers for that movie in this.

You bit your lip as you stared up at the ceiling. One hand rested behind your head, the other laid on top of your stomach, tapping rhythmically. _Where did you want tonight to go?_ You had never truly been with another person. Not in a… _sexual_ sense. You’d fantasized, sure. 

Back at the base you had a roommate. A _very_ popular roommate. So, you had an idea of what went on. But how would you…initiate it? You looked down at what you were wearing. Your usual attire was not very… sexy. It mostly consisted armor similar to Rens, and robes. Both of which Ren had given you from your last outing.

You stood up quickly and went to the refresher. You frowned as you looked at yourself in the long mirror. Your bulky clothes masked your actual silhouette, giving your body a completely different shape. Quickly you tugged off your clothing, stripping down till you were in your bra and underwear. You kicked your clothing to the side and looked back at yourself. You’d lost a lot of weight being on this base. You also now had a scar on your abdomen from the lightsaber. It definitely looked better now, but you still thought it was ugly. You awkwardly tried to cover the scar, your small hands unable to cover the full mark. The sound of the doors to the room sliding open startled you and you hurried to cover yourself.

“(Y/N)?” He called out to you.

“I- I’m-“ You scrambled to put your shirt back on. “Give me a second!”

The door, that you forgot to close fully, began to slowly edge open. “(Y/N)?”

“Ren, wait! I-“ You held your shirt over your chest, your lower body still very much on display. You stood frozen as he appeared in the doorway, his gaze sweeping over you.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

“I… I was um… looking in the mirror..a-and…” You sighed and looked down. “… I-I forgot about my scar…”

His lips parted briefly, remembering too. “Has it healed well?” He took a step towards you and you cautiously stepped back.

“Not well enough.”

He straightened up realizing what you were doing. “You don’t want me to see.” He stated. You kept your gaze on the ground but nodded nonetheless.

He took another step toward you, and this time you allowed him to. When he saw that you wouldn’t shy away from him again he continued his stride until he stood behind you. He reached around and grabbed the shirt you used to cover yourself. Slowly you relinquished your grip on it, allowing him to throw it into the pile with your other clothes.

You knew he was looking at you, through the mirror. Your hands still trying fruitlessly to cover the scar. His arms reached forward slowly pulling your hands down. You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for his horrified reaction.

He made no sound, you did not sense a change in his demeanor. But, you felt his fingers slowly circling the area. You peaked an eye open and looked at him through the mirror. To your surprise he wasn’t disgusted with your marred skin. The look in his eyes undiscernible as his fingers brushed around the area.

When he finally spoke, his voice was a low whisper. “….I should have protected you.”

Your eyebrows shot up as you turned slightly to look at him. “You couldn’t have known what I was going to do. Or that I would’ve gotten hurt.” You turned around fully to face him. “It was _my_ fault that I got hurt, not yours.”

His eyes, which had never left the scar, met yours and he tugged you closer to him. “Snoke thinks I have been too lenient with your training.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, unsure where he was going with this.

“I will teach you how to wield your saber. This-“ he gently squeezed your side where the scar lay. “Will _never_ happen again. If anyone dares to harm you again, they _will_ die. If not by your hand, then mine.”

You stared up at him with wide eyes before standing on your tip toes and pressing your lips to his. He groaned into your mouth and smoothed his hands along your sides. He mingled his tongue with yours and one of his hands drifted down to your bottom to give it a playful squeeze. You broke away from the kiss to smile up at him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“What made you come in here anyway?”

“Well I thought we were going to… so I…” He gave you a curious look as you trailed off. “I wanted look nice if we…” You dropped your face to his chest embarrassedly. “I’m going to shut up now.”

Something sounding like a humorous grunt sounded in his chest and he ran his fingers through your hair.

“You’re going to need your rest for tomorrow.”

“Hmm?” You peaked up at him.

“We’re starting your training early tomorrow.” He lifted you in his arms easily and your legs wrapped themselves around him. “It’s going to be hard, but I know you can handle it.” He adjusted his hold to the bottom of your thighs to get a better grip on you. You buried your face further into his neck, remembering the lack of clothing you had.

“Don’t we have… a little time?” You asked meekly.

He laid you on the bed gently, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. His gaze shifted down your body slowly and then back up to your eyes.

“Not enough.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a small in between chapter while i sort things out. hopefully the next chapter wont take too long. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE NICE COMMENTS WHILE I WAS AWAY. I honestly appreciate it so much!! Sorry for the wait!!
> 
> (ALSO extreme side note: here's a question for all you other Kylo Ren/Reader story lovers it might have just been me but i had a hard time shipping Rey and Kylo in The Last Jedi cause i just ship him with my OC ?? did anybody else have that feel? just me? ok, lol)


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